just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
