She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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