its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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