We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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