Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
