I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
