There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I need moral support for this bender
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
