i think my mom watched the whole time
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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