Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
