I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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