So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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