I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
