You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
