he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
