I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
