You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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