Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
