Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
We had to coat check the pizza.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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