theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
