Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I didn't notice because vodka
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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