I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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