and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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