she takes plan B like it's going out of style
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I enjoy the company of your penis
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
