i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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