I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
