I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
