Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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