Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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