I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
