I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
