i just made my gag reflex go away.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
