Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Mom said you looked used
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
