My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Less talking, more tequila
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
