dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Are my feet made of real feet?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
