please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
