i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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