i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
