Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
