your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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