just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
