Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
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