You can't motorboat a personality
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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