i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
