apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
