I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
