On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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