i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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