I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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