Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
