somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
my being single is dangerous.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
