Just mADE A PArabola og urine
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
