Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
