I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
