I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
