what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
