that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
