u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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