STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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