you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Can I color on your dick again?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
