My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
