someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
