fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
