yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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