someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
