Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
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Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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