i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
how drunk are you?
Several
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
