Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
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