Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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