i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
The Olympian is in my bed
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
