Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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