my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
