What did we do last night that was yellow?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize
